All in a Day's Work!

Sometimes I kick the Lizard on the eliptical machine in our Engineer's shop upstairs. The space is very industrial-like, but the Engineers also have their offices there. Today I finish kicking it, and am trying to sneak to the elevator without seeing anyone. BUT, our Chief Engineer sees me. The follow ensues.

Chief: "Lisa! Hey, could you help me with something on my computer?"
Lisa: (Mortified as I'm beet red, I stink, and I'm fairly certain that my shirt is soaked with the sweat dripping off my body) I sort of give him a funny look and say, "Uh, sure, I can help... if you need me right now".
Chief: "Yeah, yeah, that would be great!"

We then head to his desk where I help him with a non-emergency IT issue. But the whole time I'm thinking, "Really, this couldn't have waited even 20 minutes so I could go shower?!" Uff da!

Love Songs

Love songs are not always about a relationship between a boy and a girl. Sometimes they are about a father and a daughter. Sometimes they are about sisters. And sometimes they are about friends.

Keri Noble wrote and sings a song called "Watch Me Walk." It's on her self titled album (available at iTunes... shameless plug for a fan-freaking-tastic artist). This song brings me to tears. It's about a relationship that has ended, and she's walking away.

At first I related it to a broken marriage. I'd listen and think, "I never, ever want to feel the need or desire to walk away from my marriage." But as I listened more and more, I related it to the broken relationship between me and my parents. And as much as it sucks that they are not in my life anymore, I'm no longer being suffocated with lies, manipulation, or jealousy. I never wanted to walk away. It wasn't something I was excited to do, but in the end, it was the right thing to do.

I'm a firm believer in breaking ties from toxic relationships. I believe in a healthy mental and emotional life. Abuse sucks, whether it's physical or emotional. And if someone close to me needs to walk away from a relationship that is abusive, I will support that person.

It's not easy. But as Keri sings, "I'm alright with consequences, Better than these fences, Straddling the great unknown, and playing it safe".

I don't trust you

I don't trust you:

to do it as well as I will do it.

to take care of me like I want to be taken care of.

to be interested in me for the long haul.

to understand how I feel.

to always be there.

But:

you will do your best when I ask for your help.

you will take care of me the best that you can.

you will always want to hear me talk.

you will feel for me nonetheless.

you will always be there.

The Lizard Brain

So a few people have asked me "What's with the Lizard Brain"? and I've decided it's time to explain.

The short answer as described by my friend Ms. Lane: For our intents and purposes, it is that b!tch part of your brain that says "you can't do it - go sit on the couch instead"

The long answer is also from Ms. Lane. See we were on a walk about beautiful Lake Harriet when I started talking to her about how I was dissatisfied with my body image. I was describing how I've slowly realized that I've let myself go. I was no longer confident, let alone healthy. I also told her that I just haven't found a motivating factor to jump start my workouts or healthy eating.

She kind of giggled at me (her giggle makes me giggle, and then we get yelled at for being loud and it's back to the basement for us, but I digress). Then she said, "You're listening to your Lizard Brain too much." I said, "wha?" Then she explained:

See back in the day dinosaurs were so large that they had to have two brains. One controlled the top half of their bodies, and the other one controlled the bottom half. And as dinosaurs evolved they had less and less need for the second brain. Turns out lizards today still have an area near their tail where their old brain used to grow. This is the brain that keeps them down. The Lizard Butt Brain that says, "Meh, you don't need to take care of yourself", or "Dude, don't go for a walk, just sit on the couch", or "Go ahead, eat the whole entire pizza!".

The Lizard Butt Brain, or Lizard Brain, or Lizard, or LB for short, is that part of you that says "You can't". But you CAN! And all you have to do is kick the Lizard Butt Brain to the curb. Go ahead, give it a kick. It feels good!!!

Every Day

Every day is a chance to improve or make a change. It could even be said that every moment during the day is a chance to improve or make a change. Every time I have to make a choice, I have the opportunity to improve who I am.

I talk about change right now because I'm feeling overwhelmed. If I were to be completely honest, I would say I'm feeling overwhelmed and fat. I can't believe how many poor choices I've made over the last year that have caused me to gain the amount of weight I have gained. I can't believe how much I've let myself go. I chose to indulge in tasty treats, relaxing ways, and over abundance of vino!

But every day, every moment I have an opportunity to change. I have a chance to get myself back to a healthy weight. Healthy to me is also attractive. So my need to lose weight is two-fold: 1 to be healthy, and 2 to have confidence in my looks again.

So I try to make multiple choices throughout the day that will bring me to a better weight. I try to remind myself that I am my own worst critic, but I also get to control myself. Each choice can lead me down a healthy, happy path.

It IS better with a boa

Even Big 10 football players know it's better with a boa. The Hawkeyes are 7-0 on the season, and are kicking some serious butt.

See those two hot chicks in this picture? THEY are wearing boas. THEIR team wins! Duh!

I'm a big kid now

Last week I found a sock. I found this sock under a bed. This bed is in our guest room, and the sock was a white bootie with a pink toe and heel. I knew immediately that the sock belongs to my sister. For those of you who know me well, know that my older sister is one of my closest friends. And for those of you who know both of us, know that she moved into our home earlier this year to separate from her husband.

I'll cut to the chase and tell you that her separation story has a happy ending. She and my brother in law are doing great back in their own home. As I like to tell people who ask how they are doing, "They are fighting like normal people do." Her story of this journey can be found on her blog (specifically during March and April).

But my story of this sock is a little different. I saw this sock, and was hit with a wave of memories. Memories full of tears, memories full of laughter. See the sock was a reminder that my sister came to me when she was in desperate need of support. She looked to her little sister to be a shoulder to cry on, a voice of reason, and comic relief. And during the time that she stayed with us I was forced to grow up quickly.

There have been other times during my life that I was forced to grow up quickly. Seeing the lone sock under the bed reminded me of some of those times:

• Like the time that I was 11 years old and my sister was in a car accident. I was brought to the funeral home to help pick out a coffin for my stillborn niece. Grew up fast there.
• Or what about the time I wrote a letter to my 8th grade English teacher about how awful my mom was to me. My teacher ignored my cry for help and I was forced to grow up and deal with my mom on my own. Grew up fast again.
• There was also a time that I finally had enough courage to state an emotional boundary to my parents and I let them know that I no longer wanted a relationship with my mom. It took courage to look at my Dad and let him know that I wanted her out of my life, but that I still wanted to build a relationship with him. I grew up so fast when his response was "It's either both of us or nothing."

The sock reminded me of a lot of things. Most of all it reminded me that I'm not the little girl I once was. Instead, I'm a woman... still growing up.