Love Songs

Love songs are not always about a relationship between a boy and a girl. Sometimes they are about a father and a daughter. Sometimes they are about sisters. And sometimes they are about friends.

Keri Noble wrote and sings a song called "Watch Me Walk." It's on her self titled album (available at iTunes... shameless plug for a fan-freaking-tastic artist). This song brings me to tears. It's about a relationship that has ended, and she's walking away.

At first I related it to a broken marriage. I'd listen and think, "I never, ever want to feel the need or desire to walk away from my marriage." But as I listened more and more, I related it to the broken relationship between me and my parents. And as much as it sucks that they are not in my life anymore, I'm no longer being suffocated with lies, manipulation, or jealousy. I never wanted to walk away. It wasn't something I was excited to do, but in the end, it was the right thing to do.

I'm a firm believer in breaking ties from toxic relationships. I believe in a healthy mental and emotional life. Abuse sucks, whether it's physical or emotional. And if someone close to me needs to walk away from a relationship that is abusive, I will support that person.

It's not easy. But as Keri sings, "I'm alright with consequences, Better than these fences, Straddling the great unknown, and playing it safe".

Honesty: the best policy

Telling the truth can be easy, hard, scary, helpful, and sometimes it can even be healing. Tonight I was able to tell the truth about something that in the end made me feel very whole and a bit healed.

I was approached by an old family acquaintance tonight after playing a game of volleyball. As I was giving the quick "this is where my life has gone over the past 10 years" speech I could feel that one subject would be sure to come up. And it did. Below is the conversation we had. I'll call this woman Shelly for sake of anonymity.

Shelly: Well, it was nice to see you. Tell your mom I said, "Hi".

Me: oh, uh, okay.

Shelly: Oh, don't you talk to your mom?

Me: Uh, (and this is where I'm hit in the head with confidence) no. No, I don't talk to her.

Shelly: Oh, really?! Well, is she okay, are your parents still together?

Me: Yeah, I think so. I think they are still in Buffalo. I really don't have a relationship with them. I finally decided that enough was enough. It was too toxic.

Shelly: Oh. Hmm, well, how is your sister?

Me: Great! She and her husband are raising their 3 kids in Shakopee.

Shelly: Well, does she talk to your mom?

Me: No. Some terrible things have happened in recent years that caused us to make a break from that relationship. My mom has some mental issues, sicknesses that she doesn't address. She doesn't take care of herself, and is very toxic.

Shelly: Yeah! She and Suzy were always a couple of nutcases.

And this is where we move out of the subject and back into less heavy conversation. But it got me thinking about how good it felt to tell the truth. It was quite a weight lifted from my shoulders to not lie about my lack of relationship with my parents. And it felt even better to be open about why there isn't a relationship there. I don't have to lie to protect them. Her illness is not my fault, nor is it my responsibility.

It hasn't been, and isn't always, easy to not have my parents in my life. I miss my Dad at times. He and I were always close. I miss celebrating with him, and his advice.

And I certainly miss the mom I could have had. I miss the mother figure that would have been my friend and not my enemy. The mother who would have shared things with me, instead of selfishly ruining events. I miss the mother who wouldn't compete against me. I miss the mother who could have taught me life lessons on how to really love, and how to be a good friend. The mother who could answer any question I had about life, and one who would be proud of me. I miss something I never had.

But tonight it was healing for me to tell the truth. Tonight, honesty was by far the best policy.