Ready vs. Want

There is a difference between being "ready" for something, and "wanting" something. For example:

• I may want a promotion at work, but I may not be ready for it.
• At one point in my early 20's I wanted a nice house in S. Minneapolis to call my own, but I was definitely not ready for it.
• Most days I am ready to go for a run, but I often don't want to go.
• I may be ready to start attending Shabbat services at Temple Israel, but I don't want to start (this item is a whole OTHER blog post!)
• The lawn is ready to be mowed, but I don't want to mow it.

My point today is that I understand that I will never be ready to have kids, but that doesn't mean that I want them. I struggle quite a bit with my feelings towards having or not having kids.

I have very well meaning friends that assure me that there will never be a perfect time to make that leap. I know that the timing will never be perfect. They also tell me that it will be "different" when the kids are my own. The problem with that kind of encouragement is that I actually like kids. I like babies, toddlers, pre-teens... sometimes I even like the moody teenagers!

Hot Hubby and I talk about having kids (or not) a lot. The issue we have isn't whether or not we are ready for kids. The issue is whether or not we want kids.

The Final Countdown

April 15th is in 8 days. 8 calendar days. One week, and one day.

What does this matter you ask? Let me tell you:

• Brian will go back to working 40 hours a week instead of the 75+ hours he's working now.
• I will feel more loved, less crazy, and happier.
• Our phone conversations will no longer end with "So it's going to be a late night?" "Uh, yeah."
• Rascal will no longer sit at the top of the stairs waiting for his Daddy to come home.
• We will no longer have a scheduled Date Night (This may or may not be a good thing?!)
• I will sleep through the night without waking every 45 minutes wondering about the "thumps" in the night.
• Our activities together will consist of more than just making dinner once a week.
• We will have time to work on "us".
• Tax Season will be O-V-E-R!!!!!!!!

So Suck it Tax Season Lizard. I'm nearly done with you!

Being on the fence

I hate being on the fence. I hate the feeling of knowing the pros and cons of both sides of an issue, and not being able to firmly agree with ONE side. The unsettling feeling of being unsure is horrible.

And so, when it comes to the topic of Brian and I becoming parents, we are... on the fence! There are definite reasons that we do not want to be parents. Unfortunately, there are also definite reasons we do want to be parents. My anxiety stems from the fact that neither side is extremely compelling. Sure, our lives as we know them would change drastically. And of course most of our relationships (including our marriage) would change as well. But to quote my sister, "change is not the enemy". Really, it's not terrible.

I am glad that in regards to this whole topic, Brian and I are on the same page. We both agree that there are plenty of reasons on both the "to have" and "not to have" sides of this issue. And we agree on what those reasons are too. He hit the nail on the head when he said, "It's just that things are easier when they just happen, not when you have to anticipate it constantly." Well said my hot hubby, well said.

On the fence sucks. But I'm happy to be on the same fence with my awesome, sweet, hot husband.

What's your Chicken Piccata?

When I was a teenager I had a picture of what a wife looked like. This picture was NOTHING like the wife that was also my mother. The picture I had of a wife was pretty, nice, welcoming, clean, and most importantly could cook. My picture especially involved that one signature meal that would knock the socks off any guest, but more importantly would rock my husband's world.

For a long, long time I put that picture away. I especially let go of the idea a signature meal as I wasn't confident in my cooking abilities. I was a single girl who quit college, worked as a waitress, and ate at Mickey's Diner at 3:30am most mornings. Cooking wasn't fun, or needed. And creating a signature dish wasn't necessary either.

Then I started to grow up. I started dating Brian, started to settle down, went back to college, got my first Corporate America job, and eventually got married. I was a wife. Oh shit! Where's that picture I had in my head??? I should probably review it!

I started cooking for my husband and he (along with my wonderful Sissy) convinced me that I am in fact a great cook. I started experimenting, and got creative. I found recipes that looked wonderful and tried them out.

Along the lines I found Chicken Piccata. Fried chicken in a lemon caper sauce over noodles. Uh, hello... what is not to love here? I found my signature dish. I found something that I can cook for guests or for my own family and it will please them. It's a dish that says to my husband, "I love you so much that I am making my best just for you."

Chicken Piccata is my peace offering, my welcome mat, my best first impression. It's how I wow people, and make them feel comfortable in my home. Do you have a Chicken Piccata? Do you have that signature dish?