When the going gets tough...

It's been a few weeks since I've thrown my thoughts and feelings out into cyber space. I've been a little reserved when it comes to baring my soul. I guess it's because it was hard enough to admit to myself that I wasn't feeling quite "right", let alone admit it to the interwebs.

But it's true, I have been on the down cycle of my emotions over the last month or so. What started as being in a rut, turned into me being depressed. I forgot to tap into my support system, and let everything that was bothering me grow into a mean and messy monster of emotions. My husband and I became disconnected, and I began secluding myself from having any sort of deep conversation.

I avoided opening up at all costs, and learned to put on a show of functionality. This show didn't last long because I am not someone who deals well with things on my own. It's easier for me to figure things out if I lean on others, and talk things through. Eventually I was confronted by some caring friends, and I had to answer the question, "Are you alright?"

I wasn't alright. I wasn't even fine. I was terrible, lost, lonely, and scared. I had to ask for what I needed most. And asking for emotional support is not easy for me. Looking at someone and admitting I need help takes a lot of courage. To some, it comes easy. But to me, it's painful.

"Things" are better now. Not exactly all taken care of, but better. And every day that I don't hide my feelings from those who love me is a good day. I'm back on the cyber webs, putting myself out there!